The Journey Of A Fan

"We are all born originals. Why is it so many of us die copies?"~ Edward Youn~

Through out the years of our lives, people may come and go, we might meet with success and failure, and hopefully we’ll laugh more than we cry. But for a true blue fan of any team, the spice of our life is often colored by the milestones of a season, a play, a brief moment in time that becomes eternally etched into the fabric of our rooting souls. While I do love the Jets and used to live and die with the Knicks…for me that team has always been the New York Yankees and the sport of my soul has been baseball.

I think it’s pretty obvious that the events of the last year have forever altered my perceptions but have they changed my love for the pinstripes? This is a question that I have struggled to find an answer to from the final out of the Yankees untimely playoff loss to the Detroit Tigers last October to the very first pitch of spring training this season…It is something that I’ve had to confront all season long, through losing streaks, accusations, rumors and trades. So at the beseeching of one of my closest friends, I have decided to explore the timeline of what being a fan has meant to me during various stages of my life and see if that can help me conclude my current level of devotion.

I know that most of you have lived and died with this team so even though some individual experiences may be different, I’m sure that you’ll find a few similarities in the journey.

First Inning:
Yankee fan since birth? I don’t know if it is possible to innately bleed pinstripes but my earliest memories of loving this team come long before I remember anything else about my childhood. I was born in 1975 so the only details I know about those wild teams of the late 70’s are from the stories my dad has told me. I guess for most of us born in the tri-state area, we are genetically predisposed to the teams of our fathers. Not that I’m complaining, of course, because we could have been from Milwaukee or Pakistan. But thankfully, Freehold, New Jersey was my hometown and if you toss in the fact that it is also Bruce Springsteen’s hometown too…what more could a young girl growing up ask for? Childhood wasn’t without its bumps and bruises but there were two lessons I learned very early in life…never, ever, ever, ever stand in front of the television and my father really loved Thurman Muson.


Game On:
I played my first softball game when both the bat and the tee we hit off of were bigger than me. I’ve seen the pictures but I don’t really have any true memories of it. However, I do vividly remember the very first time I walked into Yankee Stadium. It was 1982 and I was 7 years old. My brother was only 5 and he held my hand tightly as we walked through the tunnel to heaven. It seems like just yesterday and I relive that moment every time I walk into the Stadium even today. The smells of summer, the sounds of the game, and the unmatched energy are timeless. I still have the ticket stub from that first game. The best thing about the history of this team is that it’s also your history too. Maybe you remember the first time that you saw Dave Winfield let go of his bat and fling it dangerously towards the crowd. Maybe it’s Donnie Baseball that you loved. Maybe your history goes back even farther to Goose and Guidry and Mick The Quick. Or maybe it goes even farther still to the glitz of the ‘M and M’ Boys, or DiMaggio’s elusiveness, or Whitey’s charm. Wherever your journey with this team starts, surely it has seasoned your soul with its tradition.

Losing is for Losers:
During the late 80’s our Yankees team was less than stellar. Good seats at the Stadium were easy to come by and the security guards didn’t take themselves too seriously. If you wanted an autograph they didn’t pounce on you like the Secret Service and the players were almost grateful that anyone acknowledged them at all. To top it off, all the cool kids at school were chanting “Let’s Go Mets” and wearing Hernandez or Carter jerseys and proclaiming that the Mets were the team to ride with. Don Mattingly was the lone bright spot most nights and I proudly hung my “Hit Man” poster on my bedroom door for all to see. I always loved Mattingly…he came to work, shaggy hair and all, night after night and gave it all he got…some of the fans did too. We knew the losing wouldn’t last forever. It couldn’t. Not with the amazing history of this storied franchise. Not with George Steinbrenner back at the helm again, after serving a suspension that rarely gets mentioned these days. And when the tide turned, the real fans were waiting to ride the wave.



Giving Credit Where Its Due:
1994 felt right. I was a senior in high school and all things were shaping up to return the Yankees to glory. This was the year that Donnie was sure to get his long overdue ring! The team was rolling and then a godforsaken strike canceled the rest of the season from August 12th all the way to April of 1995. The season with no postseason was painful but it didn’t hurt nearly as much as the ’95 playoffs. That postseason loss hurt in a way that I can still feel deep in my heart. The collapse to Seattle was only intensified because we just knew that it would be our Captain’s last season. His aching back and tremendous pride wouldn’t let him continue to play while deteriorating out there. He was done… but as it turns out, this team was only getting started. Who could have predicted what happened next? Well for starters, maybe Robert Jose Watson and William Nathaniel Showalter…better known as Bob and Buck. Two gentlemen who don’t get nearly enough credit in this immediate gratification media bubble.

Who’s that Hottie at Short?:
One of the most annoying things any Yankee fan had to deal with from 1996 through 2000 was the Derek Jeter phenomenon. Real fans knew that timing was everything in bringing DJ along. A hole in the line up thanks to the poor play of his predecessors and an aptly timed injury to Tony Fernandez all paved the way for the birth of an idol. It seemed like all at once, young girls were flocking to the ballpark in a stampede of fandom. Look, much has been made about this and all I will say is if Derek Jeter’s smile brought you to love this game…you owe it to yourself to learn a little something about it. We all come to love baseball in our own way. Some through playing it as a child, some through our fathers, some through the lure of tight pants and sliding shorts like Alyssa Milano but in the end…all that matters is that you protect the integrity of your fandom. This is a test that I would surely face in the years to come.

Pinstripes, Pride, Pressure and Parades:
The most frustrating thing about bandwagons is not that people start loving your team. It’s that the bandwagon is often full of idiot causal fans, needy politicians and fame hungry celebrities who don’t know the difference between Shea and The Stadium. These people who pretend to love a team or a player will be gone when the winning stops but yet they often act more demanding than the fan that’s been in the trenches from day one because they feel some unnatural sense of entitlement.

Even still, the ride to history can never be tainted for the real fans because the real fans know the difference between owning a limousine and a supped up rental that you’ll eventually have to return. Winning those championships in the late 90’s wasn’t merely a validation of all the tears we’d shed in defeat but also a culmination of belief. I’m sure the rest of the country had tired of the nightly tales about Mystique and Aura but who cares?

9-11-2001:
The tragic events of September 11th surely touched the entire nation but none more than those of us who lived in the tri-state area during the horrible attack. To those of us who lost a loved one, a neighbor or even an acquaintance, the wound is not merely a date on the calendar. To those of us who could see the fire burning from the waterfront, who could hear the fighter jets flying high in an empty sky. To those of us who weren’t able to walk downtown for months whether it was out of fear or traumatic stress. To US, baseball was the diversion we needed to forget, knowing that we’d always remember.

Making it to the 2001 World Series provided enough drama filled excitement to last a lifetime. The encouragement from other cities, holding up “We Love NY” signs marked a tremendous moment for friends and foes alike. That 2001 Yankee team showed enough fight for all of us and even in defeat, we won. Sure, the Hollywood script would have had the Yankees coming out on top. At the very least, we wouldn’t have lost with the great Mariano Rivera on the hill but that’s baseball and just like in life sometimes the journey is more important than the destination.

An Ultimate Fan on an Ultimate Trip:
When I found out that I had been cast for Season 2 of the Yes Network’s Ultimate Roadtrip Show, I certainly had limited knowledge of the inner workings of the baseball world. I was just a fan who had proven herself worthy enough for selection. I certainly know about television and had heard the stories but this was the NY Yankees and their image of class, tradition and excellence would surely protect me, right?
The 2006 season exposed me to more than I had been prepared for and in the end exploited the one thing I loved most in the world. The responsibility for that should have been shared but I alone have shouldered that load. In the end, I learned that loving a team like the Yankees doesn’t protect you from suffering that heartbreak. Whether its an image of a player being shattered, the insane politics of executives or becoming the target of mean-spirited people who are delusional to believe that watching a player throw a fastball translates into knowing who that person is off the field…my life has been forever altered in ways that I can not even articulate.

I wouldn’t change a thing about my ride or my fall because this journey has blessed my life with more gifts than money can buy. From the 2006 season, I can recall with uncanny precision the dynamics of certain games, big plays and strikeouts. This is largely due to the fact that the way I now watched the game has changed. There is a jaded observation that comes with knowing why one player may be useless to the team yet still get preferential treatment from the media, or another who is forced to sit due to some fabricated injury… but once that line is crossed for the fan there can be no going back.

For me, there will never be any other way. But as the camera lights faded and I was left to mend myself alone, the question still remained…had my love for the Yankees changed?

The Journey Continues:
Today I can no longer walk into the Stadium with the same blissful ignorance that once fueled my every step. I still feel the energy and can sense my old friends, Mystique and Aura, eagerly waiting in Monument Park. But now everything is different. I learned about the business of baseball and for a fan…that is truly something. We like to think they love it as much as we do. We need to believe spending money on tickets and merchandise is worth it. We want to show how loyal we are to struggling players or budding superstars. We all want to be a part of the history. Whether it’s catching homerun ball number 500 or holding up a sign behind home plate. When you love baseball, truly love it…something gets a hold of your heart and doesn’t let go. You sit through rain delays, weathering storms of personal changes and losing streaks because you don’t want to miss a moment.

Its like that in life too. When you’re in it to win it…the smallness of defeat pales in comparison to great love. Baseball has become the vehicle that brought me more than I could have ever imagined. And like a struggling athlete, you’ve just got to take the good with the bad.

I hope the journey of your fandom has enriched your life nearly half as fully as it has mine. In the end, its not about the pinstripes or the glory anyway but about taking that ride, bandwagons and all….

"Team Heaven" Gets A Shortstop

“The two most important things in life are good friends and a strong bullpen.” ~ Bob Lemon ~

I am currently a bit out of the loop but received word early this morning from a good friend that beloved Yankee Phil Rizzuto has passed away at the age of 89. Yankee fans, like myself, who weren’t around to see “The Scooter” play shortstop in the 40’s and 50’s probably best remember him as a broadcaster. His familiar, “Holy cow!” signature is a far cry from the self-absorbed media dolts that clutter their in-game calls these days with nonsense.

Rizzuto may be gone now but his warm decoration of America’s past time, his genuine love for this great game and the class that he brought both to the field and broadcasting booth will most certainly live on.

I can vividly remember as a little girl, sitting with my father in our living room, watching those Yankee teams of the 80’s and hearing “The Scooter’s” distinct voice on free television mull on about some terrific lasagna he’d eaten the night before. Far more nostalgic than listening to the egotistical announcers of today who are less interested in cultivating a fan base and more preoccupied with plugging their other ventures.

But what do I know?

I’ll be back from the far reaches of our great country later this week and with Detroit coming to town this weekend, things are sure to be heating up in the Bronx.

Enjoy this run, Yankee fans. The scorching offensive prowess of Robinson Cano, the zestful wonder of the Melk-Man, the fire of newly sainted Joba Chamberlain and the crazy spark of Mr. Shelley Duncan coupled with old reliable Derek Sanderson Jeter and his pal, Jorge “unsung hero” Posada are sure to make this playoff push one to remember.

(We all must be getting old now that the Captain is considered an elder statesman in the clubhouse…seems like just yesterday he was the youthful flavor.)

But alas, despite a god-awful start to the 2007 season, our Yankees have clawed their way back into the conversation. We now trail Boston by 4 measly games…a far cry from the 14 games that once separated the two teams.

It’s not over yet, the mountain has not been climbed, there are still big games left to be decided…but the last few weeks just proves exactly why this game cannot be confined to ESPN teleprompters and analysts. At the end of the game, the season or your life…effort is everything.

I hope you have a terrific week. Relax, live, love and most of all…never let another’s opinions or expectations be the factors that define you. The Yankees sure haven’t.

This Just In: The Season Ain't Over!

"Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors." ~ Proverb~

Lots of changes in Yankeeland these days and with the team closing in on the wildcard, there's no telling what the next few weeks will bring. Looks like Miguel Cairo and Brian Bruney are the odd men out right now… but don't worry kids because Kyle Farnsworth is holding down the redneck fort.

Personally sad to see lefty reliever Mike Myers tenor in pinstripes end this way but being the stand up guy that he is, he'd probably be the first one to admit his ineffectiveness. Still, it's a hard pill to swallow when you lose a quality clubhouse guy like Myers while still being stuck with a mental midget like Farnsworth. Even so, its time to let the kids shine as Shelley Duncan, Joba Chamberlain, and Phil Hughes are gonna get a nice long look now.

Speaking of youthful fire, how about Melky Cabrera and Robinson Cano? They've really turned the burners on and started to put some fun back where it belongs! At times Cano looks lackadaisical or distracted in the field but his bat has more than made up for any defensive miscues.

As I said just after the all-star break, the Yankees would get their chance given the favorable schedule. Now with Jason Giambi coming back, A-Rod's 500th home run ball tucked safely under the pillow of some Rutgers student and Joe Torre still napping at the wheel…it should be quite interesting to see what the Bronx Bombers can do against the likes of Cleveland, Anaheim and Detroit…who are all waiting in the wings for later this month.

On a very personal note, I made my first trip since the trading deadline to the Stadium this weekend… and I've really got to give credit to those winners sitting behind me because until Sunday afternoon I never knew I had big boobs. Thanks for clearing that up, fellas. I'm sure the children in our section were enlightened to know the Dodger's line-up for that evening too.

It goes without saying that everything happens for a reason but in this case, all I realized was that sometimes the stereotypes of certain Yankee fans are painfully accurate. It breaks my heart that I once proudly identified with this filtered media mush.

Life changes in a hurry…so too does the momentum of an entire baseball season. Here's to the hope that both end with a victory

Worthless Strikes Again?!?

Well, it’s certainly been a crazy few days for me. Obviously haven’t been out to the Stadium this week but I happened to come across an interesting ad in the personal section this morning while looking for a new place to live. Any guesses as to whom this could possibly be?

NY, NY: Single, white, male looking for fans of any gender to help me justify spending these millions of dollars I’ve swindled. I enjoy hunting, drinking, and throwing the fastest straight balls you’ve ever seen! (Oh I mean straightest fastballs…) I also love giving up home runs, making sure my team doesn’t stand a fighting chance in hell of getting the victory, and showing up my co-workers every chance I get.

In my free time I pretend to lift weights, pretend to work on my slider (though I can’t seem to get it to actually SLIDE), and pretend to be tough… YOU must be extremely understanding of my low IQ, short attention span and inability to actually do my job. Kids ok. Groupies and cling-ons encouraged but please do not respond if you are an avid boo-bird or a member of the “Scott-Proctor-Should-Still-Be-A-Yankee-Instead-Of-Me” Club. Also looking for a new best friend to troll dive bars with as I have tons of free time between “performances”. Must be willing to relocate to Detroit, Chicago, Atlanta, Tampa or various AAA towns in case of an emergency.

Attention Cynics, Critics and Idiots…THIS IS A JOKE (just like our blowpen)…and yes, even I am allowed to say so.

Trading Spaces

"Every player, in his secret heart, wants to manage someday. Every fan, in the privacy of his mind, already does." ~ Leonard Koppett ~


It's been a crazy few days and there is much to be done but there are a few things I just wanted to address….

First off, I certainly can understand the questions that Yankee fans have regarding this trade that has sent Mr. Proctor to the Dodgers for Wilson Betemit. On paper, it doesn't seem to make a lot of 'baseball' sense since we already have enough utility players and what we really needed was help in the bullpen.

Scott has had some success and his heart has never been questioned by the Yankee faithful but his recent pitching struggles are no secret…reports at the midway point of the season started suggesting that his loss of velocity was only going to get worse and it seems the Yankees didn't want to chance having his arm blow out come the end of the season. (Thanks should go to manager Joe Torre for the overuse/abuse.) Whatever happens, Scott filled a lot of innings that will now need to be replaced.

Additionally, it seems that the scouts have a fair amount of faith in the young guns and felt that a replacement could be easily found within the organization. Any questions regarding that theory will be answered in the next few weeks as the bullpen gets shuffled around like a deck of cards. Aces.

As far as Betemit goes, there's really no telling what we should expect from him because playing in NY is unlike anywhere else ...there are a ton of guys who get here and forget how to play and a handful that thrive on the pressure. No way to know until he starts playing so let's hope Betemit is up for the challenge. Unfortunately, if his numbers are any indication, it could just end up being a wash of a trade.

Certain players probably should have been traded ahead of Scott but that's the nature of this business…or so they say. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier for the player or the fan…which brings me to my next point….

I have to give a big heartfelt thank you to everyone who has sent me messages, texts and called over the last 24 hours with positive things to say. I wont forget who you are.

As for the fire starters and troublemakers…I've let comments, rumors and all around defamatory remarks go on for over a year now.

I've gotten actual threats from people who have no idea what happened or didnt happen or will happen...I pray every day for it to stop...

I've heard it all...

Homewrecker
Slut
Fame seeking whore


Thanks for opening my eyes to the never-ending misogynist view of small-minded individuals. I'm a lot of things…but a sell-out isn't one of them.

And to those fans who feel the need to harass me at the expense of my family, friends, personally and professionally....I say, keep rooting for your team...that's all I ever tried to do.