Fixing The Yankees!

"I don’t create controversies.

They’re there long before I open my mouth.

I just bring them to your attention."

~ Charles Barkley ~

Yankee fans, are you frustrated? Do you want to scream as you watch our BLOWPEN walk the entire MLB player roster? Are you baffled by the stagnant Bomber bats as they whiff more than they wow? Do you want to trade the entire clubhouse for a player to be named later, fire the manager, or punch the broadcasting team? Well, if you’re like most Yanks fans, chances are the answer to those questions will be a resounding YES!

While the rest of the league is laughing at us out of pure hatred and a tinge of jealousy for our previous success…we sit night after night praying for our $200 million dollar men to step up, turn the corner, burn the jets and go full steam ahead. But instead, all we’ve been treated to is total of 2 weeks worth of digestible play.

Critics will call us pushy, demanding and spoiled. But that Yankee bandwagon was awfully full in the late 90’s when the Bronx Bombers were kicking ass. Now, people are jumping off left and right and I say…hold your horses.

Before you write off the most successful franchise in the history of professional sports, let’s show the world what Yankee fans are truly made of! After all, New York City, and the entire tri-state area is a goldmine of activity, creativity and relativity. We need to flex our muscles and let our voices be heard…if these players don’t want to step up and make it happen, perhaps us fans can light the spark and inspire some change.

Please join, me, Tiffany L. Berryman, former Ultimate Roadtripper and scorned reality princess… for a BURN THE BASTARDS Bonfire Extravaganza! Unlike these last few games, this will surely be a night that you’ll never forget! Share in some good old-fashioned fun, food and fantastic baseball memories as we bridge the gap to mediocrity.

Attendees are encouraged to bring one jersey (either home or away) of their once favorite Yankee player to toss in the fire at midnight. We’ve all made impulse puchases at one time or another…Perhaps you were once high on Andy Phillips or Josh Phelps and wanted to buy their authentic apparel, ‘before they really blew up’... Perhaps Mr. Cabrera was your boy last season and you now have a plethora of “GOT MELKY” t-shirts cluttering up your closet. Maybe you once believed that Robinson Cano wanted to hustle, that Kyle Farnsworth’s tough-guy routine would translate into strikeouts, or that Bobby Abreu would dive for a ball. Whatever your pain…as the team dips below .500…there’s no room for silly pride now! Get rid of the dead weight dragging down your ability to be a good fan, clear your karma and come on down!

VIP guests will be give special cardboard player cutouts to also set aflame. Players include but are not limited to Bernie Williams (for punking out), Bobby Abreu, Kyle Farnsworth, Brian ‘Base-on-Balls’ Bruney and The Dr. of Defeat himself, Mr. Scott Proctor. (I know I’ve been hard on Scotty these last few days but it’s only because I really expected better from him. But that’s no secret.)

To take this proactive professional fan thing one step further, I will also be hosting the first annual “YANKEE PANKY CARNIVAL” later this month to raise the funds needed to support A-ROD's contract extension ...I know that most have already written Mr. Rodriguez off and have him playing next season for everyone from the Angels to the Cubs but I say we’ve got to do something-anything to keep the big bat here! Otherwise, on top of looking for starting pitching, reliable bullpen help and a first baseman…we’ll need a third baseman too! And who wants to deal with that mess?

So join me for a night of Yankee Panky (the G-rated kind)….Come see Kyle Farnsworth as the guy who throws the big knives and Scott Proctor as the guy who gets the knives thrown at him, Brian Bruney as the bearded lady, and marvel at Jason Giambi…the world’s most sweaty (Ugh, I mean strongest) man. There’s something for everyone at the Yankee Panky Carnival! Participate in the official A-ROD Beauty pageant…where the only contestant is Mr. Rodriguez himself. Visit the special Derek Jeter Kissing Booth which is sure to be a huge draw for the fans, female and male alike!

The biggest event of the night will be the "MAKE JOE TORRE MAD" contest... where participants desperately try anything they can to get a reaction out of the stoic stone-faced manager.

Volunteer to work the Jorge Posada’s “Wife Is Hot” Information Booth, the Johnny Damon Tequilla Shot Stop, or the Wil Nieves “How Did He Get Here” VIP Lounge.

Forget Fan Fest, forget stammering around at batting practice, trying to get autographs, forget making inspirational signs on poster board hoping to get on TV. The BURN THE BASTARDS BONFIRE Extravaganza and first annual Yankee Panky Carnival are only ways for true Yankee fans to make their voices heard! So put down the DVD collection from the 1998 World Series, stop whining and sign-up today!

(It’s official…I have lost my ever-loving mind! Losing sucks…)

Karma, Thy Name Is SCOTT PROCTOR

“People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead.”

~ Edith Wharton, American novelist, from The Age of Innocence~

By now I am sure you’ve seen the “Proctor Evil” headline on the back page of the NY Daily News or the “Bawl Four” headline that decorates the NY Post… both are complete with a the same picture of the reliever, hands on his knees, head hung in defeat.

Much has been made about Scott’s profanity ridden post-game tirade resulting from last night’s implosion on the mound that led to yet another Yankee defeat. This current road trip is a night mare…

I got an email from a friend (not a Yankee fan) who thought I’d be jumping for joy today but trust me, I’d much rather the team win than watch Mr. Proctor’s career disappear right before my very eyes. Personal feelings aside….all I have to say is…

Last year: 102.1 innings, 89 K, 33 BB
This year: 41.1 IP, 27 H, 22 BB

People may lie but those numbers certainly don’t…

It’s no secret that our bullpen is a mess. But we haven’t seen the great Mariano in so long that I almost forgot he was even an option last night. And where the hell did our offense go? We are playing the Baltimore Orioles…score some freaking runs!

Now, while it would be very personally fulfilling to blame every problem known to mankind on Scott Proctor, unfortunately it’s just not possible. Proctor’s pal Kyle Farnsworthless is an absolute joke and the only reason he’s still Yankee is because no team wants to inherit the headache…allegedly.

Early on people were high on Brian Bruney but lately he’s been pitching to batters like he is going to get paid per walk. Hello, he was out right released by the Arizona Diamondbacks! They gave up on a guy who throws 98 MPH…anyone want to know why?

They are baseball players, not brain surgeons. They hit home runs (sometimes)…but they don’t cure cancer. They make diving plays but don’t get out of crucial innings because they are too busy admiring their handy work to make a throw to second base. They can go from hero to goat back to hero in the blink of an eye…on and off the field.

Well, I’ve got some personal things to attend to, messes to clean up and wrongs to right…then again, so does this team.

Happy Birthday DJ, Now Let's Get A Win!

"Victory has a hundred fathers, but defeat is an orphan." ~ Thomas Campbell~

Today Derek Jeter turns 33 and this makes me feel rather nostalgic. Now, I know at 31 years old myself, I am a far cry from collecting social security checks but it seems like just yesterday that a fresh faced Jeter was winning the 1996 World Series and capturing the hearts of baseball fans (and young women) everywhere.

A lot has happened since Jeter's rookie-of-the-year performance jumpstarted the great Yankee dynasty of the late 90's. September 11th,terrorists, war, some hurricanes, a few wildfires. You name it and the last decade has surely seen it. In fact, in the music world, superstar Mariah Carey went from relevant to irrelevant back to relevant again…the whole time never shedding her title as Queen of Jeter's ex-girlfriends. Sure, there's no denying that he's managed to land some notable names as the years have passed but overall it's been the Captain's baseball prowess ON the field that has been the most impressive thing about his legacy…

As the team heads into Baltimore, kicking off a three game series tonight, Jeter finds himself in an unusual predicament. If this Yankee team is going to ever make a serious run, start rolling over the .500 mark or turn what has been lackluster play into something special, Derek Jeter is going to have to lead them with more than his numbers.

On those teams of the late 90's much was made of how DJ handled the pressure and rose to the occasion when his team most needed him. His legendary clutch performances in the playoffs, during the most important games, on the biggest stage have been well documented and have led to rings and accolades galore….but The Captain is no longer flanked by the inspired play of warrior Paul O'Neill or Mr. Consistent, Bernie Williams. Gone is the fiery Tino Martinez. Gone is a reliable back-up catcher. Gone is Mystic. Gone is Aura.


This 2007 Yankees team is begging to be led. Whether its Kyle Farnsworth's little boy antics on the mound, Bobby Abreu's overwhelming fear of the wall, or Robison Cano's unwillingness to run hard down the line to first…they all must be held accountable. Now, Derek Jeter supporters say that he leads by example and that's true. He shuns the theory that a Captain needs to be vocal. He commands respect based on his on-the-field approach and its worked pretty darn good for him so far…but that was then and this is now.

Now we need some action! Right now we need something to let the fans know they should still give a damn about a season that some of these players seem hell bent on abandoning. Most nights, Joe Torre looks like he'd rather be golfing… there's a fine line between appearing calm and being downright apathetic. Throw a water cooler, punch something, smack a schoolgirl…just let us know you're still alive and kicking.

On a positive note, we tend to hit well in Camden Yards. Derek Jeter has spoken of the ballpark's stellar batter's eye but the bottom line is that if we can't go into Baltimore tonight and kick some Oriole ass on the birthday of our fearless Captain…,maybe we should all just start planning our October vacations right now.


PS. Today is also Mike Myers birthday but that fact is about as irrelevant as our entire bullpen has been lately. Myers is a terrific guy. He is personable, intelligent and genuine but so was Sal Fasano. So let's all hope that Mike helps us win a few more games than the big moustache man did.

Self-Deception

Okay, since the Yankees are falling apart right now and the idea of writing about the series against the Giants holds little appeal for me, I thought I'd post one of my poems. Hey, a girl's got to find a way to amuse herself when the team is tanking right before our very eyes. Today being an off day...maybe they can do some bonding in Baltimore...after all, there's paddle boats within walking distance from the ballpark...I hear it's a relaxing way to spend the afternoon...or perhaps the Rocket can take the bullpen out for some Maryland crabs and teach them something...anything.

Anyway, enjoy the words...I'll catch you at Camden.

"Self-Deception"-
Thought that I could decipher exactly who you were
Through the murk and deceit of a thousand lies
Your soft smile tilted to one side
Resting there- mesmerized
And when the truth was revealed, it was I who was paralyzed
Drowning in my sorrow
Afraid of tomorrow
Lacking the strength to be
The woman that you saw in me
Questions now surround us both endlessly
Did I ever truly know you
Or merely create a vision of the man that I needed you to be?
A casual glance...strong magnificent stance
Brilliant music as we danced
Snowflakes tickling the little girl in me
The freedom to ignite passionately
And your laughter filled this lonely room in my soul
The only reality I could ever know
Those tides of summer once again rising from high to low
Secrets will be revealed through the tests of time
Now there is nowhere left for the truth to hide
This passion surely created a magnificent joy
Though they seem determined to try and destroy
But a man is only as valuable as his word can be
And this story has been riddled with lies and deceit
Its not my job to test a system that's set up to protect you
The world is not interested in the story of a fool
I can still feel the crisp fall air, biting my cheeks and numbing the optimist in me
Enormous blue moon, high in the midnight sky
Just one soaring moment and our dreams took flight
Flickering camera lights...illuminating your brilliance
And we will forever be joined, if only in spirit.

Losing Ground

"Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost." ~ Martina Navratilova ~


Please, someone tell me that I am dreaming! I woke up this morning in disbelief that the Yankees had been swept by the Colorado Rockies! Of course, if you are an anti-Yankee bloke I am sure you are enjoying this roller coaster ride that has become the 2007 NY Yankees season.

Now, it seems that the ship is sinking again. I say this with my tongue firmly implanted in my cheek because we all know that holding back when it comes to lackluster play has never been my strong suit. This team looks uninspired most of the time, even during the previous win streak.

Memo to Mr. Torre: You do a great job of blending the players and the media but that "take-one-for-the-team" mentality is wearing thin on your most ardent supporters. Winning disguises flaws…and yours is surely bullpen management. This last decade has been fun but it's time for a change now. During Wednesday's game, everyone could see that Andy Pettitte had lost it…but what do you do? Go ahead and keep him in, atta boy.

The result? An embarrassing start to a long road trip. We scored 5 lousy runs in 3 games. Are you kidding me?

If we can't get base hits, my only hope remains that someone hits Bonds with a bat tonight. Now, that would be resolving the steroids issue once and for all.

I'm cranky…it's time for happy hour.

Yanks Turn The Corner, Full Steam Ahead

"Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again." ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968


Well, it is no secret that most people dread Mondays but Yankee fans probably woke up today with smiles on their once sullen faces. Things are certainly looking up for the Bronx Bombers as they continue to turn the corner on what was an ugly beginning to their 2007 campaign. Amid the unexpected injuries, offensive struggles, and bullpen issues…dare we say the worst is behind us now?

While the Subway Series may have lost a little bit of its luster, the Stadium is always filled with energy when these two teams collide. Yes, Mets fans, we know…Jose Reyes is exciting to watch. But this weekend's series against the Mets did little to dispel the rumblings of exactly how weak the NL East division is. Actually, with the aging Mets pitching staff, suspect bullpen and slumping sluggers…. come late season, the Metropolitans might not be as good as everyone originally predicted.

Roger Clemens gave a fantastic effort on Friday night but was plagued by stagnant bats. Still, there is no denying that Rocket gives this team a bit of 'moxy' where there previously was none. Rookie Tyler Clippard found himself battling with control issues on Saturday but the mighty Yankee offense showed up to save the day and tie the series at one game all.


It seems Clippard will be heading down to Scranton while the big club takes another look at Japanese product, Kei Igawa. You've got to know this is more about the money invested in Igawa than it is about Ty-Clip's performance but that's the nature of the beast.

My weekend was so consumed with baseball, baseball, baseball that I almost forgot entirely about Father's Day. I guess that's because I've been blessed to have a father who's been in the trenches from day one so I don't feel the need for the pomp and circumstance of some commercial holiday to honor my dad.

He coached just about every team I ever played on and when he wasn't coaching myself, my brother or sister…he was driving us to some practice or game somewhere. My father is one of those old-school, hardnosed guys who doesn't take shit from anyone. I get my temper from him but also my deep love and appreciation for sports too. So you can imagine that he understood the reasons why I was at Yankee Stadium on Father's Day for the ballgame instead of at dinner with the rest of my family.

There comes a time when a woman must make her own decisions and with Chien Ming Wang on the hill for ESPN's Sunday night match-up…I handed my dad his sentimental greeting card and set off for the big ballpark in the Bronx.

Luckily, Chien Ming did not disappoint. Instead the big guy nearly tossed a complete game and exceeded his career high in strikeouts, fanning 10 Mets to cap an 8-2 victory. I'm still wondering why the bullpen killer, Joe Torre decided to yank his Wang with two outs in the top of the 9th inning but I guess some mysteries will never be explained.

Personally, I'm just glad that Bobby Abreu seems to have gotten the memo that the season has started. Abreu still looks almost lazy out there in the field at times but if he keeps hitting, I will try to ignore his fear of the outfield wall. They aren't brain surgeons, folks… they're just ballplayers.

All jokes aside, whether you are close to your dad or not…I hope your Father's Day was special. Like the saying goes…ANY man can father a child but it takes a REAL man to be a father….or something like that.

Off day for the Yankees today as they travel to Colorado… I'm going to try and catch up on some much needed sleep and get ready for those west coast late night start times!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot and…Mets Suck! (Haha,)

Revelations

Robert Frost: "Revelation"

We make ourselves a place apart
Behind light words that tease and flout,
But oh, the agitated hear
Till someone really find us out.

'Tis pity if the case require
(Or so we say) that in the end
We speak the literal to inspire
The understanding of a friend.

But so with all, from babes that play
At hid-and-seek to God afar,
So all who hide too well away
Must speak and tell us where they are.

"Sweetie's Jam" (The Remix)

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
~ Robert Frost ~



A few weeks ago, I posted this in a blog. Then I took it down because I wanted to be mindful of the rumors and lies that are out there about me. I kept thinking, someone would stand up and set the record straight. I kept thinking if I just went about my life and ignored it, this drama would go away. But of course things have gotten more intense in the last few weeks.

And since the only loyalty I owe is to my friends and family… I'm reposting it.

It's a stream of conscious/lyrics/poem… It's not meant to depict me as Robert Frost. It's pure frustration. I'm sure aside from the specifics, most of you can relate to being lied to and taken advantage of. So that's all I am going to say about it. Read it, take from it what you will...and let's all move on.


Title: "Sweetie's Jam"


Family man my ass, this game you play is such a joke
They'd call on you for relief but all you do is choke
Instead of what's right…all the wrong is raining down on me
Before it turned, I shouldered the load so quietly
Now tell me, should I just stand by and let this tarnish my name
And have to watch you hold on to those fifteen fleeting minutes of fame

I listened to your reasons
Fed your ego its demons
Stood by and protected you…out of fear of ridicule
But the real truth is no amount of Religion is gonna stop your ship from sinking
Thought that you'd step up, you even swore that you'd quit drinking
Critics say I shouldn't have expected anything but this
Blinded by the passion in that kiss
Tricked words dripping off honey coated lips
What does any of that have to do with this?

I know what you're going around telling these fools
Can't even defend myself but our Lord knows the truth
And you surely weren't praying all those nights you spent with me
Why don't you tell them, where was your God in all the secrecy?
Such a coward hiding behind your pinstriped lies
But that second face you wear is an awfully thin disguise
Scared of the truth, refusing to accept reality
I promise you, this hand won't be the death of me

Wife and some kids, said you were committed but you slid
Now I'm the one labeled and talked about behind my back
My heart goes on and on… it's as simple as that
I'm fine but you'll be out of this game in 2 years flat

"Sweetie" I never wanted your money
So stop talking that mess because it makes you sound funny
When they asked me I vanished just like you
Tried to protect my family but its true
You're the low man on this totem pole
I'd tell you, but you've already gotta know

They were all so afraid I would talk and tell this story
Promised I was never in it for all that sordid glory
And the truth be told, those boys aren't down the way you thought they'd be
Who do you think took your phone and sent those texts to me?

They can stand and cheer when they hear your name
But I know better about you and the other side of this game
Shouldn't be shocked, you always did love all the attention
And demanded public displays of my continued affection
I was never married but in the gossip fodder, they must've forgotten to mention
My life has now become a part of your sordid intentions

Just a reminder, you can't blame us for everything
You dug your own hole by not honoring that ring
You waited till he was gone and started messing with my head so strategically
Said you didn't care what they thought of you, however ironically
It was all lies and you were worried about protecting me
I should have listened when he warned me this would happen surely
He said the golden boy routine was nothing but a cover
Started out friends, ended up lovers
It would have been almost romantic
If it wasn't so downright pathetic


So I hope the ride was worth the fall
Because when this is over, you'll lose it all
Reporters harassing and stressing my whole world
But you've already moved on to the next unsuspecting girl
Toronto, NY, Detroit, Chicago
The stories follow wherever I go.
Used to love this team so blindly but that's all changed
You made sure of that when you blew the whole damn game
I'd like to throw at your head if I thought I would make you see
I lied to you when you asked me about it Sweetie.

No threats just truth
You weren't there for me not how I tried to do
Left me alone to handle everything I was the fool
And one of these days, they'll all know it too.
The only one that matters in this will be cool
I've been vague in the past so is this clear enough for you?

KJ and Clemens: Just What The Doctor Ordered!

"Did you lose yourself somewhere out there , did you get to be a star? Don't it make you sad to know that life is more that who we are. Don't belong to no one that's a shame! You could hide beside me maybe for a while and I won't tell no one your name. I won't tell em' your name." ~Goo Goo Dolls, "Name"~

There’s so much that the real fans never get to see but whether you’re a crowd favorite or not, is insignificant when it comes to winning at the game of life. Players, fans, announcers, producers… We’ve all got problems, we’ve all made mistakes, and we’ve all certainly been through our own struggles. Specifics hardly matter when the shouldering of responsibility cannot be passed on…whether it’s personal, professional or purely sensational is not the point.

For me, life and baseball are so synonymous; it’s almost down right silly. Others have felt this way about America’s pastime too. The parallels have been discussed in poetry, fiction and news alike. And just as the Yankees seem to finally be turning the corner on the field…so too am I off of it.

After nearly suffering a nervous breakdown this week, my dear friend KJ came to visit and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. For those of you who don’t know, Kevin Jones was one of the cast members that I was blessed to travel around the country with last season on the Ultimate Roadtrip. Infamous for his soaring competitive nature, his southern drawl and downright insane baseball wealth of knowledge….KJ also has the biggest heart and most sincere disposition of any person I’ve ever met.

Over the past few months, we’ve kept in contact by sending text messages during the games or chatting on the phone for hours about everything from personal stuff to the impending return of The Rocket! Our friendship has been one of the few saving graces for me and from the second I picked him up at Newark airport, it felt just like old times. Sure, a few things had changed, some players were gone now, new ones had joined the team, and this time we could enjoy the game without cameras in our faces…

With Roger Clemens taking the hill on a beautiful Saturday afternoon in the Bronx, I looked over at my dear friend KJ and realized there was no place else that I’d rather be than at Yankee Stadium. I had to smile because right in that very moment, I knew something all those fans were soon about to find out…and that is you never really know how much you’ve missed someone until they return.

We always have the best baseball conversations because both of us look at the game in an entirely different way. I’m more poetic and he’s the straight numbers guy. I anticipate trends and analyze external factors…KJ interprets the facts and determines the outcome. We are the complete, Yin and Yang version of a fan but we are also very similar when it comes to the passion and love we have for this game.

After only knowing KJ for a few weeks, I bestowed upon him the nickname of the “Southern Storm” and now over a year later, most people associated with the show still refer to him as the Storm. He’s got a fire that true competitors can respect but pretenders might be intimidated by.

After watching The Rocket launch, KJ was set to film a little segment with this year’s cast of Ultimate Roadtrip. Obviously, I wasn’t invited to participate but that’s life. Of course, I’d be lying if I told you that it was easy for me to stand so close to the cameras and not jump in front of them… old habits die hard, I guess… but I’ve never been shy about how much I enjoy it.

I’ve got to stay this…The group from Season 3 is great. Justin was sincere, Brenda is an absolute doll and Eddie is a ball of energy. Add the 6 of them to this mix and we now have only 14 people that can understand the grind of what it means to be a part of the URT fraternity. That’s a pretty small group of individuals when you think of how many millions of Yankee fans there are out in the world.

Cameras in your face or not. We all want this team to win, we all have favorite players and a unique way of rooting for our boys.

Sunday saw the return of right-handed pitcher, Shawn Chacon who seemed to have left his once killer curveball back in Pittsburgh. I was really hoping that Chac would bring his A-game back to the Bronx and remind everyone what he’d done for us in 2005 but that player didn’t show up. He still can battle out of jams and give his team a fighting chance but Sunday’s start did little to prove the point that trading him was a mistake..

Dave Brand, from Season One, joined KJ and I in the third inning and won the Tiffany Berryman award for creative heckling. It sure was fun watching him attack the Pirates in their on-deck circle. Dave is a master and I tip my cap to his intelligent sense of humor. If there ever is an All-Star edition of Roadtrip, I sure hope he’s on it.

I’ve been to quite a few games already this year but it is always so much better when KJ is bantering with me. Mostly it was a closure of sorts for Chacon as his Pirates continue their descent and new beginnings for the Yankees as Roger joins the mix.

When the weekend finally came to a close, it certainly was uplifting to chat with old friends and forge new baseball bonds. KJ and I also got the chance to recap the last 15 months and see the crew that took such good care of us all season long. There are some truly special people involved in that show. Time has a way of ensuring that the cream rises to the top. All we can do is be ourselves, continue to love this great game and this team, and remain grateful for every day we get to be a part of it all.

With a little help from the baseball gods, it seems that the Yankees have finally turned the corner…and in the eye of THE STORM…so too, have I. Cameras or not, ridicule or not, appreciated or not…I'd rather look bad and win than look good as a loser!